When Is The Last Time You Had So Much To Say And Nothing To Say At The Same Time? Yep!

That is exactly how I have been feeling for the longest. Observing, learning, and noting. Observing, noting, and learning. And repeat.

Indeed, I have always been a student of life, people, circumstances, and myself. It is almost second nature for me to find lessons in almost everything I see and everyone I interact with. As I was growing up, I wrote down every learned concept through my experiences with relationships, friendship, family, school, authority, marriage, parenthood, adolescence,…, you name it; but I never thought about sharing it because I assumed that it was common and that honestly, who would want to know.

I told myself: everyone sees this, everybody is writing this. I did not see right away the jewel in it and most important: the uncommon in it.

I was genuinely surprised when I realized that not everyone learns from their experiences, not everyone takes the time to observe, learn, and note. Not everyone thinks it is even interesting to do so, not everyone is curious about the why, the how, the when. It may sound naïve but that was my honest truth.

So, what do you do then? When you realize that you may have couple things to say about certain things you have observed and lived, over and over again.

I say start somewhere.

I have always thought about blogging, even started many times but then stopped every single time because of my self-talks.

In this first blog, I decided to explore some of the self-talks that hindered me for the longest in not perfecting my craft but mostly no sharing it with the world.

WHO ARE YOU?

Lol! Now, that was a big one, And I heard it every time I thought about publishing anything. Who are you? No one is interested to know what you have to say! From the millions of bloggers or books written, do you really think that anyone will stop and read yours? You got to be kidding me! You want to say what?

The number of uncertainties and insecurities that would flood my mind at the idea of publishing anything, was almost epic. Those questions stirred so many wounds to the point that it was no longer about whether my observations and writings could be relevant, but about whether or not, I was good enough to show up!

How can I have so much and nothing to say at the same time? Well, going back forth in my mind was certainly one way.

I believe, it all starts with how we see ourselves, what we believe about ourselves. What we do springs from who we are.

So, I needed to deal with this condescending self-talk and not let it define me.

DO YOU QUALIFY?

Here is another mind blocking question. Always felt unqualified to have a say and I would tell myself to qualify first, to have my degree first, to have Ph.D. behind my name first before publishing anything. Feeling not qualified to say something online these days may sound weird but for someone who gives so much value to education and proper training, it was important to say things the right way, to give a proven opinion and above all, your academic accomplishment could weigh as much as your expertise.

However, I have had the privilege to read and witness some exploits done by uneducated people with no impressive academic background and then I realized that education is a plus, a guardrail to certain mistakes but is not what qualifies us to be relevant or necessarily correct.

I have also had the honor to observe and witness individuals with the proper academic background but who couldn’t correctly use it to be a force of help for others.

I had to look in the eye of my fear and confront it; I had to locate exactly what was my biggest hindrance and in doing so, it helped me to gaze at it, talk to it and then dismantle it.

In my years of observations, I have noticed over and over again that confronting our feelings, even the darkest ones, is an essential step towards our liberation.

So, it made sense to me that I had to start my blog by blogging about what kept me from blogging in the first place. Yep! I just repeated the word “blog” twice and even added its verb, and all that, in the same sentence. And I probably placed the commas in the wrong places as well. Don’t judge me too harshly (just a little), you are officially part of my process. Welcome.

I decided to share few steps I had to take to overcome the negative self-talk floating in my mind.

TO the WHO YOU ARE and the DO YOU QUALIFY

I had to, first of all, decide who or what would define who I am. Do I let life define me? My family? My work? My friends? My experiences? I had to make a decision to whom I would give my uttermost attention in answering that question. Many things in life will try to define you but you have to decide what you will believe and what you will reject.

I was not born a religious person but my coming to Christ in my late teens did help me to identify the divine in me and embrace the fact that I was created by design and that I was not a product of chance.

I had to choose and walk with the fact that God for and with purpose, despite what life would show me, what anyone would tell me, God had to be the ultimate say about who I am.

Also, those you surround yourself with will have a say in who you are and who you can become. Their opinions may not weigh as much as those from whom you identify as your creator, but your close circle is amplifiers; so, either they will expand the positive or the negative.

I had to make an intentional decision to not give just anyone room to define me and to carefully choose who would get my ear when it came about defining me.

I had to be certain of who was around me, their hearts, motives, intentions; my real circle had to be willing to be vulnerable, bare, and genuine.

Those two major steps helped me in such a great deal that I wish I had learned about in my earlier years. I was often so worried about what the world would think of me but soon enough I learned that the world is almost impossible to please and can be very biased. It was always better to let those closest to you critic you and have a say in who you are.

So then, here I am with so much to say and hoping that you can grow me as I write my observations and learned experiences throughout the years.

From childhood’s experiences in DRC to teenagers’ years in Belgium, young adult and adult life in the US, I have tons of stories that would make you laugh, cry and even wonder if I haven’t lost my mind lol

From my early Christian years to leadership, I will share some interesting observations, lessons, and mistakes

From being single to marriage to motherhood, there are so many amazing gained lessons that I am burning to share.

I have always been passionate about helping others, giving them room to be and to become, while cheering them up on the way there. My purpose in writing is not just about the fact that it is truly something that I enjoy doing but I am also writing with the hope to be a source of encouragement, empowerment, correction, or simply a breath of fresh air for anyone.

I hope that you will find my blog resourceful, edifying, and entertaining because this girl right here, has more to say.

Naïké…